It is interesting how the environment tends to become quiet around us as we get older; however, inside our heads there will be an awful lot of noise going on. Once you reach the age of 70, you do not necessarily reminisce about those “good old days”; instead, you analyze your current state of affairs using a magnifying glass. You finally find yourself capable of making sense out of things – the fog disappears and everything becomes crystal clear. You know what you’ve accomplished and what you have been through; therefore, no one has the right to ask you to perform or carry a burden of any sort.

Many of us followed the “rules of should” for decades. We should remain good friends with a person because we’ve known each other since the Nixon era. We should not cause a rift in the family because family comes first. Also, we should oblige our neighbor whenever they call because they need help because it is the polite thing to do. However, at 70, you begin to realize that peace is more than just an idea, it becomes a necessity. You start to realize that to achieve peace, you might need to free yourself from certain ties.

This is neither an act of becoming a bitter old person nor a grump. On the contrary, it is an act of self-respect. It is a conscious decision that life is too valuable to spend around people who make you feel worthless.

The Constant Critics

We’ve all met those people with an innate talent for delivering backhanded compliments. You tell them about something you accomplished, and their response will always be something like “Oh, yeah… but…” You choose something for yourself, and they raise an eyebrow, “Well, if you want it that way…”

At thirty or forty, you may feel like having enough energy to debate with them or persuade them. By seventy, this dance just gets too tiring. Life has taught you things; you know what is best for you, what you have won, and what you have lost in the process. To continue listening to a person who looks down upon you after such a long life of experience is pointless.

There’s plenty of psychological research that says chronic criticism wears us down, but you don’t need a study to tell you that. Your body will tell you when the situation gets too much, you feel it in your shoulders. Today, your mental well-being is no less important than your blood pressure. If being around certain people always feels like you’re on trial to get their stamp of approval, then it’s probably high time you stopped inviting them around.

The People Who Drain You of All Energy

And then, there are what we may refer to as “energy vampires.” I’m sure all of us have one in our circles of friends. We see their name flashing on our cell phones, and we find ourselves exhaling a deep breath just thinking about engaging in conversation with them because all they wish to talk about is their problems, pains, and grudges against life.

Of course, we all like to support our loved ones in times of need. But the problem here is distinguishing between someone having a difficult phase in life and someone whose entire personality revolves around misery. Once you’ve spent two hours listening to someone complain, you can never really make up for that lost time.

The older we become, we find ourselves noticing that the time it takes to be energized again is longer than it used to be before. When we know that we have a limited number of good hours during the day, would you sacrifice three hours of it for a person who hasn’t even bothered to check up on how you’re doing? It’s alright not to take part in everything. It’s alright not to affect your mood by others.

The “One-Way Street” Relationships

This is a harsh truth to come to terms with. You find yourself looking back on a relationship and thinking, “if I stopped being the person making plans, taking care of transportation, and reaching out, this relationship would simply fizzle out.”

Our reluctance to abandon such relationships has much to do with the history behind it. “But we have been best friends since the 70s.” However, the past should not dictate our current choices. If you find yourself having invested a lot more into your relationship than your friend, you must question the reasons behind it.

Healthy friendships don’t need to be perfectly balanced every day, but eventually there must be a give-and-take aspect to it.

The Family Trap

Family is by far the most difficult element of this entire puzzle. There are so many “shoulds” around family: I should call. I should visit. I should suffer through poor treatment because, after all, they’re “family.”

Here’s some tough love, however: Respect doesn’t offer any family discounts. If your sister or cousin disrespects your thoughts, belittles you, or disregards your boundaries, it’s even more painful than if she were a stranger. It doesn’t matter how similar you may look or sound; if your family is making you miserable, it doesn’t matter if you have the same surname.

You aren’t obligated to excommunicate family members, but there’s nothing wrong with redefining your terms of service. You can decide not to discuss politics, religion, or other subjects; you can set boundaries that limit the amount of time you spend with family. Taking care of yourself around your relatives is not “betraying” your family—it’s growing up.

The Ghost of the Person You Once Were

There are certain people who have a fascination with the “old” you. They are interested in discussing the failures that occurred in your thirties or what you used to be like before you got wiser. This keeps you firmly rooted in something that you left behind long ago.

It is nice to look back sometimes but it is also draining being around a person who cannot see beyond what you used to be like. You have grown. You are different in many ways, having become softer in some respects and harder in others. How can you enjoy today when the people around you keep reminding you of your past?

The people who are worth having around are those who are interested in the person you currently are and not who you once were decades ago.

The “Crowded Loneliness”

Then, we have the lonely relationship – the one you have absolutely nothing in common with anymore. Here, you simply sit there, surrounded by a thick silence because you know you have absolutely nothing more to say to each other.

There’s a particular kind of loneliness that occurs when you find yourself around the wrong kind of people; it is lonelier even than solitude. The reason why so many do not want to leave such empty relationships is due to the fear of a “void,” but the void is almost always better than the illusion of an “us.”

The Relentless Conflict-Seeker

There are some individuals who only feel truly alive when there is some sort of firefighting to do or when there is some sort of disagreement. It is all too easy for these individuals to make everything a debate and to turn even the smallest problem into something more serious.

When you are thirty, you have enough energy to deal with these kinds of situations. When you are seventy, you simply tune them out. Most things that cause arguments are really not worth getting worked up about at the end of the day. When you find yourself being dragged into some conflict, whether it’s personal or at the dinner table on Sundays, these people are actively taking away your peace.

Why Selectivity is the Greatest Gift of Ageing

There is even a psychological theory for this, called Socioemotional Selectivity Theory. Essentially, as young people, we seek “information” and “possibilities,” and we talk to everybody. However, as we age and recognize that our days are numbered, we prioritize “emotional meaning.”

We no longer seek to build a “network” but seek to create a “haven.”

This does not indicate that you are becoming “cantankerous” or “reclusive.” On the contrary, it reflects a sense of purposefulness. In essence, it is the equivalent of decluttering your home from an emotional standpoint. You are evaluating every single relationship and asking yourself, “Does it bring me happiness?” If the response is “No, it actually gives me a headache,” you have every justification to discard it.

Conclusion

Moving away from relationships after the age of 70 does not require any elaborate farewell speeches. There is no need for sending a resignation letter. The process typically involves a gradual fade-out rather than an abrupt cut-off. This involves the decision to stop calling and texting, apologizing for things one did not do, and making appearances for people who would not do anything similar for them.

It’s all about recognition. One recognizes their independence and realizes that they cannot exist as someone else’s whipping post, personal psychologist, or reserve force.

Once you get rid of the “wrong” individuals, you will finally have enough strength to breathe and enjoy some quality time with those who genuinely make you smile, listen to you, and give you their attention. Isn’t that what you deserve after living through seventy years?

Caring for your own inner peace does not amount to rejection but self-care. It may very well be one of the most important steps you take at this stage of your life.

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