A lazy husband got the ‘fat’ end…

Wife: Please help me tidy the garden, honey.

Husband: Do I look like a gardener to you?!

Wife: “Apologies, honey. Alright, let me fix the bathroom door.”

Husband: Do I appear to be a carpenter?

The husband then leaves. Upon returning from his trip, he discovers that the door has been repaired and the garden has been cleaned.

Husband: “I knew my wife would handle this on her own.”

Wife: It’s not me.

Spouse: so who?

Wife: our neighbour

Spouse: How much did you pay him?

Wife: No, he just offered me to give him bread or…. you know what!

Spouse: I hope you gave him bread!

Wife: Do I look like a bakery to you?!

The Blonde Joke
“Please come over and help me,” a blonde asks her lover over the phone. “I have a difficult jigsaw puzzle that I’m not sure how to begin.”

“What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?” inquires her partner.

“It’s a rooster, based on the image on the box,” the blonde responds.

Her partner chooses to visit and offer assistance with the puzzle. She shows him the puzzle parts strewn on the table when he gets there. After a few minute of studying the fragments, he turns to face her and says:

“First off, we are not going to be able to put these parts together to make anything that even remotely resembles a rooster, no matter what we do.”

He takes her hand and says, “Secondly, I want you to unwind. Next, let’s enjoy a lovely cup of tea.”

He continues, “Let’s put all these Corn Flakes back in the box,” with a heavy sigh.