John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of my life between the legs of my wife!”
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night. He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the best toast of the night”
She said, “Oh, that’s great! And what was your toast?”
John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of my life sitting in beside my wife.”
“Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, “John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.”
She nodded and said, “Yes, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he’s only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.
Related Posts
Neighbor Called Cops on Lemonade Stand—But Picked the Wrong Officer
They were on the corner with a folding table, two plastic pitchers, and a crooked sign that stated “LEMONADE 50¢.” Their dad had brought out the old…
I Woke Up To My Dog Staring—Then Saw What Was Under The Bed
I woke up to find my dog staring at me—and then I saw what was under the bed. At first, I thought he needed to go outside….
Always Do This at the Sink Before You Leave
Before heading out on vacation, most people carefully prep their homes—cleaning the fridge, locking doors, and adjusting the thermostat. But one easily overlooked spot could cause a…
She Thought It Was Quinoa—Then She Looked Closer and Gagged
Found Tiny Brown Balls in Your Salad? Here’s What They Might Be Discovering something unusual in your salad—like a cluster of tiny brown balls—can be alarming. Often,…
Mom Collapses Beside Sleeping Kids in Shopping Cart — Online Post Labels Her “Lazy,” But What Happened Next Changed Everything
A few days ago, I was exhausted and annoyed while grocery shopping when I saw a woman slumped over her cart, asleep, with her two young kids…
Three Hidden Words Stopped a Wedding Cold
In 20 years of performing weddings, I thought I’d seen everything. Then I read a bride’s vows and spotted three faint words scribbled between the lines: “Help…