She told him

“Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!”

The next morning he got up early and left for work.

When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her r0be and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

In some religions, you talk to the priest when you do something wrong. Depending upon what you did and how many times you did it, they may tell you to say specific prayers, or perhaps they may give you some type of punishment that will supposedly pay for what you did.

This is a situation that many people find themselves in when they are part of that religion, but not all of them pay as close attention to it. In some cases, they may even find a way to win, even in a system that is designed to make them lose. That is why you will like the following joke.

“Forgive me, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.”

The priest asks, “Is that you, little Joey Pagano?”

“‘Yes, Father, it is.”

“And who was the girl you were with?”

“I can’t tell you, Father. I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”

“Well, Joey, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?”

“I cannot say.”

“Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?”

“I’ll never tell.”

“Was it Nina Capelli?”

“I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.”

“Was it Cathy Piriano?”

“My lips are sealed.”

“Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?”

“Please, I cannot tell you.”

The priest sighs in frustration. “You’re very tight-lipped, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for four months. Now you go and behave yourself.”

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, “What’d you get?”

“Four months vacation and five good leads!”