An old lady is speeding down a highway, when she spots a police officer with a speed gun. The officer signals for her to pull over, and then walks over and asks her with a smile: “What’s the rush? “I’m late for work.” “Sure,” says the officer, “What do you do?”

“I’m a rectal distender. “A what? A rectal distender? And what is that, exactly? “Well, you see, I start by putting a finger in, then another, then I work up to three fingers, four fingers, until the whole hand is in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then slowly but surely I extend the rectum, until it’s about 6 feet wide. “And what the hell do you do with a 6 feet asshole? “Give him a speed gun and put him by the side of the road.”