Emotional abuse can have profound and long-lasting impact on the child’s development and overall wellbeing. Unlike physical abuse, which is manifested with visible injuries, emotional abuse can be the result of habitual behaviors that contribute to the destruction of the child’s feelings of self-worth and security.

Emotional abuse can take a variety of forms, ranging from constant criticism, belittling, and mocking, to silencing the child or setting them up with unrealistic expectations.

In many cases when this form of abuse is present, the child can be overprotected, denied normal social interactions like those his peers have with their friends or family members, or subjected to frightening or disturbing experiences such as bullying or domestic violence.

Often, emotional abuse is present along with other forms of abuse but it can also occur alone, through neglect, manipulation, or simply by withholding of love and support.

The effects of the emotional abuse they experience can easily affect every aspect of the child’s life, from emotional control, to self-esteem, concentration, learning, and socialization.

Children who have been emotionally abused may be shy and withdrawn, anxious, or overly clingy, and some may even develop certain self-soothing behaviors such as rocking or similar repetitive movements.

Also, they may experience problems with their sleeping, eating, and communicating. Sadly, most children who have gone through such negative experience such as emotional abuse, tend to bring their feelings of shame or fear with them into adulthood.

Because symptoms can be very subtle, emotional abuse is often is missed, and the impact of it is great because it shapes the child’s view of themselves, of relationships, and of the world around them.

It is crucial to identify and treat emotional abuse, because with early intervention and nurturing, it is possible to mitigate its long-term effects.

According to a research by the NSPCC involving 2,275 young people aged 11 to 17, one in fifteen children have been subject of emotional abuse in the UK. This is supported by the data from Childline which shows more than 11,000 contacts to the helpline and nearly 5,000 counseling sessions on the topic of emotional abuse in the year 2021-2.

The Crime Survey for England and Wales (CSEW) estimated that 1 and 11 adults aged 18 to 74 had experienced emotional abuse before reaching 16 years of age. It was also determined that the abuse came mainly from the children’s parents.

Members of the mental health community The Mighty have shared personal examples of how emotional abuse in childhood have shaped their adulthood. Many of these experiences are relatable and it’s hard when you see some of them in yourself.

The message, however, is one of hope and serves as a reminder that we are not alone in these struggles and that change is very real and possible.

1. Personality disorders

“[I have] attachment issues, trust issues [and am] paranoid that everyone will leave me. A lot of this is part of my BPD…”

During childhood, the development of the brain goes through crucial stages, and traumatic experiences can have an impact on this process. Studies comparing the brain scans of people who went through trauma during their childhood and those who didn’t and identified lasting differences in those with childhood trauma or emotional abuse. Such differences are often seen in the parts of the brain that regulate impulse control, stress response, and managing emotions. This makes people with childhood trauma more vulnerable to mental health challenges and personality disorders.

2. Mental health issues

“I have major issues with anxiety and depression because of my childhood. The biggest factor is I cannot communicate well and I don’t know how to express my feelings with others because I am so used to just holding them inside because I wasn’t allowed to share how I felt. When tense situations arise, I get nauseous and uncomfortable, [and] my anxiety levels skyrocket…”

Large-scale research found that individuals who have experienced trauma during childhood are more likely to experience mental health struggles later in life, including depression, anxiety, and PTSD.

Research has also found that adverse childhood experiences, such as abuse and neglect, increase the risk of developing substance use disorders, and that individuals who have experienced multiple adversities in childhood are particularly at risk of alcohol and drug problems in later life.

3. Over-apologetic

“I become apologetic over everything. If someone doesn’t text back, I’ll believe they’re upset with me, and I’ll apologize. If I ask for something and annoy them, I’ll apologize. Everything becomes a situation where I feel like I’m to blame.”

Being too apologetic, even for things that are out of your control, could be a sign of emotional abuse in childhood. This is because these adults grew up in a household where they were constantly blamed and criticized, making them feel like everything had been their fault even when it wasn’t so they coped with the trauma by offering constant apologies.

4. Unclear sense of self

“I don’t really know who I am or what I truly think. Virtually everything I say seems to me to be a lie I’ve just fabricated for that particular situation. I have real problems trying to identify what I’m feeling.”

When a child is raised in an environment that isn’t healthy, they are often robbed of the chance to express their interests. Sadly, this can lead to low self-esteem and lack of identity.

5. Fear of conflict

“[I] can’t stand conflict, loud sudden noises, shouting and screaming or aggression in any form. [It] triggers my fight or flight, instantly.”

Fear of conflict is also common at people who faced emotional abuse as children. Why? Simply because their brain associates conflict with danger. What they do is try to avoid conflict at any cause, even then when they deny their own needs by doing that.

6. Being hard on yourself

“I am in a constant state of blame no matter who is at fault. I hate going out in public or even going to work because I am afraid I am going to do something wrong and everyone will notice, I am afraid of making a mistake because I will beat myself up over it for the rest of the day.”

If a child is made to feel as though they are to blame, they can become an adult who instinctively takes the blame for issues, feels guilty, and has a hard time recognizing when things are out of their control. Sadly, this affects many other aspects of their life.

7. Trust issues

“[I have] attachment issues, trust issues [and am] paranoid that everyone will leave me. A lot of this is part of my BPD. My sudden divorce also contributed to these behaviors.”

Emotionally abused children may have difficulty trusting others as adults. They may feel that it is not safe to trust others because of the way they were treated in the past, and this can make it difficult for them to feel comfortable trusting others.

8. Emotional unavailability

“I’m very defensive which can come across as cold or nasty. I also portray quite a lot of negativity which seems to be my barrier so I don’t get hurt.”

Emotional unavailability is yet another trait prevalent in adults who have experienced emotional abuse at some point in their childhood. Children whose feelings were invalidated may have learnt to shut their emotions for the sake of feeling safe. However, this can lead to problems with emotional intimacy in adulthood, such as being emotionally unavailable to others, distant, aloof, and unwilling to share their feelings, but not because they don’t want that but because it feels dangerous or foreign to them.

9. Repeating the cycle (or fearing to)

“…I’m afraid to [be a] parent because I don’t want to ‘mess up’ my kid.”

No matter how odd this sounds, it’s very true. Often, adults make a vow to never act like their abusers, but the patterns they established in childhood may be difficult to break. They may find themselves repeating the same hurtful patterns without even realizing it, as their methods of coping with their situation, developed from the abuse they experienced in childhood, may be doing the opposite of what they intend. This could manifest itself in giving the silent treatment instead of communicating, acting impulsively without considering others, not showing affection, or being unable to show comfort.

10. Underdeveloped coping skills

“…Lashing out on social media for years. Controversial and angry statuses, just due to the anger inside of me. I have texts I sent my friend where I described just how much I felt this unsettling anger in my chest. Emotional abuse from peers at school to family [can] really [mess] you up…”

When parents comfort their children, they actually teach them how to deal with their emotions. So, children who grow up in households where they don’t receive any comfort may resort to unhealthy behaviors, like binge eating or alcohol, in order to cope with their emotions.

11. Difficulty accepting love

“I have trouble accepting any kind of love because growing up, it was always given with strings attached or used a tool for manipulation. I don’t trust that others have the capacity to love me unconditionally, so I hide away parts of myself, never allowing myself to experience the vulnerability that comes with being loved, chosen and accepted by others.”

Having been raised in a home where love was conditional, inconsistent, or just absent, can make people feel like they are not deserving of love.

12. Difficulty accepting joy

“I always feel like I am doing everything wrong… It’s very hard to convince me I am good at something.”

Joy wasn’t something children who experienced emotional abuse often felt like growing up, and now that they are adults, that feeling is strange to them and they have hard time accepting it because they believe that things can go wrong any moment.

Conclusion

Emotional abuse during childhood can have a long-lasting impact on one’s life, influencing the way one thinks, feels, and interacts with others. Issues related to trust and conflict, regulating emotions, and accepting love can be a result of the experiences one had during childhood. The most important thing is to understand the impact and work towards healing, which can help one unlearn the negative behaviors.